Home > Health > Sex > “Will I Ever Want to Have Sex Again?” Post author By The Mum Club Post date 9 February 2023 “Will I Ever Want to Have Sex Again?” The Mum Club9 February 2023 A real mum describes how she felt after having a baby and how she wondered if she would ever want to have sex again… “After having my first baby, I was in no way interested in having sex. Birth had left me feeling utterly broken, my body felt like an empty vessel that I didn’t even recognise. And on top of that, I was breastfeeding and now responsible for keeping a baby alive. Over touched, tired and irritated, I was repelled by my partner’s come-ons. And besides the constant ‘early-days bickering’, he hadn’t done anything. But my refusal to get intimate started to affect us, and cracks in our relationship were showing. As my son got older and needed me less, we all got more sleep, and my body repaired, my interest in intimacy returned. And just like that, we were pregnant again. Unlike my first pregnancy, I had zero sex drive. And fast forward, after a very manic year, I feel like I’ve lost interest entirely. With a million other things on my mind, zero time to myself and two babies back-to-back, I’m also feeling quite body conscious. So, in a bid to rekindle the romance, I spoke to Women’s Health Advocate Clio Wood.” Anonymous Author How to enjoy having sex again after you’ve had a baby Not only do our bodies physically change after we’ve had a baby, but they’ve also been used for a whole new purpose, which can affect how you feel about them. It can be hard to reconnect to the sexual feelings you tapped into before and not just see yourself as a mum. On top of that, you’re tired, busy and, on most days, over-touched. Sex might be the furthest thing from your mind right now. And that’s ok! There is no rush. “However, sex is important”, says Clio. She adds, “It’s the reason we find ourselves as parents in the first place. And it’s the thing that turns a friendship into a relationship.” So, it’s important not to let it go entirely. Here are her best tips for getting your mojo back: SEE A WOMEN’S HEALTH PHYSIO First things first, let’s talk about you. “Whether you’re experiencing pain, numbness, leakage or no symptoms at all, it’s always a good idea to get checked by a women’s health physio after birth. They are a godsend. And even if you had your babies years ago, having that appointment is still a good idea. Because what you don’t sort out now can often come back to haunt us during perimenopause. If you are having pain or discomfort, numbness, or incontinence (all of which can massively affect your sex life and pleasure), a women’s health physio can help put you on the path to recovery and rehab.” GO IT SOLO “Your body has transformed during pregnancy and birth; your mind is different too. What turns you on and how you feel in your body might be different to before. Sex can feel slightly daunting when we don’t know what to expect, so spending some time alone masturbating or touching your body can help you reconnect with yourself and know what you want from sex with your partner.” TALK TO YOUR PARTNER “It might feel like the last thing you want to do, but “having a conversation about how you’re feeling with your partner will help”, says Clio. She adds, “You might be lacking desire, it might hurt, or you have a lack of sensation”. You might even dislike them because they’re not doing enough around the house or with the kids.” When you’re constantly pissed off with someone, it’s hard to see them sexually. Book in some date nights so you see each other differently.” BREAK THE CYCLE We’re habitual creatures, and if we get used to not doing something, it can be daunting to get back into it, but once you do it, you’ll probably increase the likelihood of it happening more often. If it’s been long since delivery, you may have to just go for it. GET SOME ASSISTANCE “It might sound icky and ‘not for you’, but many women postnatally and as we age will experience vaginal dryness. Hormones, chemical messengers in the body, are wonderful. Still, changes in their levels can also send the body out of whack during big life changes – like in the postnatal period and during perimenopause. Make sure you use an organic option like Yes Organics to maintain a healthy vaginal microbiome, and always use a water-based lube (rather than oil-based) if you’re using condoms.” MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF “Things like a huge mental load, the physical burden of carrying kids all day and feeling touched out, will affect your mindset for passion. Women often find it takes them far longer to get in the mood. Our minds also need to feel desire before our body follows with arousal. So, often sex feels impossible. If you can share tasks and responsibilities, get out of the house once or twice (and I cannot stress this enough) yourself, and spend some time doing what you love (a hobby or doing some movement), you can feel more ‘you’ and that, in turn, can leave more headspace for desire. Win-win.” Clio Wood is a women’s health and sex positivity advocate and author of Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth (Watkins, 2023). Follow her @andbreathewellbeing The Mum Club9 February 2023 ← 10 Things That Are Different Now We Have Kids → TMC Recipe of the Week: Pasta alla Vodka
