1. Sunday Morning

Pre-Baby: You wake up naturally at 9 ish am, do some yoga and head out for brunch with friends. Mimosa anyone?

Post-Baby: You’re up, downstairs and on your third cup of tea by 8 am. After making breakfast, clearing up and putting the baby down for their nap, you flick on the TV to watch Sunday Brunch before realising it’s not on for another TWO HOURS!

2. Going to the Cinema

Pre-Baby: The cinema was a spontaneous and relatively cheap activity, the perfect way to kill a few hours on a rainy Saturday afternoon or post-dinner on a random Friday night.

Post-Baby: You can now only attend showings between 7 pm (their bedtime) and 9 pm (yours). You spend the entire time worrying that every bang will wake the baby, before remembering you’ve actually left the house. After tickets, snacks and paying the babysitter, the whole thing costs more than your monthly gas bill, but you’ll still feel giddy that you went out.

3. Getting Ready in the morning

Pre-Baby: Post-workout shower followed by a six-step skincare routine, you whisk up a matcha latte, while checking your emails and catching up on the news.

Post-Baby: The process is reminiscent of a formula one pit-stop. Only you’re the only crew member helping. Your kids arrive at nursery with 2 x everything they need. You turn up to work with very badly drawn eyeliner and hair that’s in definite need of a wash.

4. Flying on a Plane

Pre-Baby: Out-of-office on, you pick up a neck pillow and a facemask from duty-free before getting comfy with a glass of fizz and your first book of the holiday. Bliss.

Post-Baby: Despite waiting until the very last moment to board, your toddler waits until the seatbelt sign is on before doing the largest poo of their lives. Attempting to change them in the inexplicably small aeroplane toilet is so strenuous your Apple watch asks you if you’ve started a workout.

5. Google Search History

Pre-Baby: ‘Spa hotels in Bali.’

Post-Baby: ‘Can I lock my toddler in their room?’.

6. Birthday Parties

Pre-Baby: A day spent drinking cocktails with the girls, followed by dinner and dancing, plus brunch the next day for a thorough post-party debrief.

Post-Baby: Kids’ birthdays: You make friends with other mums based on their predictability to have wine at their children’s parties. Yours: You now drink a LOT earlier and fully confirm with your partner that they will be gifting you a very large lie-in the following day. Or the second option: you book a hotel and don’t come home.

7. Swimming

Pre-Baby: A leisurely ten lengths post-gym or a relaxing holiday past-time involving a lilo.

Post-Baby: You arrive poolside of your local leisure centre sweating profusely, having carried the car seat, two bags and the baby into a changing room heated to the temperature of the actual sun. You find out the hard way that swim nappies don’t absorb liquid as a stream of warm wee runs down your leg from the wetsuit-clad baby balancing on your hip. It takes twice the time to get ready versus the time spent in the pool, which you conclude is not worth shaving your bikini line for.

8. Illness

Pre-Baby: You wake up feeling lousy. Drop your boss a text telling them you won’t be in today before crawling back under the duvet to sleep it off.

Post-Baby: Your kids give zero fucks if you’re ill and still require feeding/changing/carrying/entertaining as usual. This is incredibly irritating, given it’s 100% their fault. You power through taking every drug you’re allowed. And if things get really bad you call the grandparents for emergency assistance and hope that the latest bug doesn’t kill them.

9. Meeting Up With Friends

Pre-Baby: ‘Hey, do you want to go out tonight? Come round to mine in an hour. Bring wine?’

Post-Baby: ‘Hey, sorry I had to cancel our meet-up at Christmas! Are you free next June?’

10. Seasonal Events and Everyday Activities.

Pre-baby: Let’s be honest, even Christmas Day had started to feel dull, and we were pretty over the 3-day hangover at Easter.

Post-baby: Mundane stuff like taking the bins out, going to shops or getting the car washed is now a fun new activity for your kids. And don’t get us started on seasonal events like Christmas. Experiencing all the stuff we were very much over through a new set of tiny eyes is one of the best things about being a parent. Sure, they’ll make it f*cking stressful, but at some point, it will have been very cute.