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Holly Ciuffini

    Why isn’t my body doing what it’s meant to do? This was the ultimate question that I asked myself for many years before we finally conceived through IVF in spring 2020. I had spent so long yearning for children and when I finally met someone who felt the same we began trying. After 4 long, emotional and torturous years, we started IVF. I remember battling with myself so many times. If I could Give myself any advice now it would be to not be so hard on myself. I remember hating my body for not doing what it’s intended purpose was. Women were ‘made’ to have babies- a statement in itself I’m so not on board with as I’ve always been a mini feminist- but I couldn’t understand why my body wasn’t working. Why me? What was wrong with me? Was it because i wasn’t going to be a good mum? Was it because I’d not looked after myself properly? What was it? The one thing no one ever prepares you for when TTC is just how mentally, physically and emotionally debilitating trying to have a baby can be. It’s not frilly knickers, a quick  fumble, and wham bam. For some of us it’s planning, peeing on sticks taking your temperature, monitoring your period, changing your diet, and planned sex that no longer holds intimacy but instead consists of ‘are you done?’ And ‘I’ll sit here with a cushion underneath me and my legs in the air for 10 minutes’ you know, just to give the swimmers a fighting chance!! The wonderful world of TTC