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How to Manage Stress When You’re a New Mum

The Mum Club
The Mum Club10 September 2024
How to Manage Stress When You’re a New Mum

By TMC Editor Lydia House

“I really struggled after my second son was born. Managing two children under two, with very little sleep and support, and a house move to the countryside that left me even more isolated.

I was feeling stressed, overwhelmed and unhappy.

On top of that, I was short-tempered and tired, and I frequently lost my temper with my husband and, on the odd occasion, with my children.

I started having worrying thoughts like, “If I had an accident and ended up in hospital, then others would have to step in, and they’d see how hard this is. Then maybe I’d get a break!

I didn’t think about hurting myself or anyone else, but I did feel desperate. Unable to cope.

And I needed some help.”

Tips on Managing Stress

Dr Emma Hepburn, Clinical Psychologist, says, “Stress has such a significant impact on our wellbeing and health that it’s really important to notice how full your cup is and take proactive action to manage this when it’s all becoming a bit too much and at risk of spilling over.”

Consider What Needs to Be Done and What Can Wait

A messy house can wait. The dishwasher can wait. And actually, a crying baby can wait a bit too.
Realise that you don’t have to do everything, when you can’t.
We’re not telling you to leave your baby crying while you slowly eat Eggs Bene’. But making yourself tea and toast before you sit to breastfeed for half an hour, is always a good idea.

Throw Some Things Out of Your Cup

Yes, your partner may have gone back to work and you’re at home. But that doesn’t mean you have to do all the jobs at home aswell as looking after your baby, or babies! It’s tough for both of you right now, but that doesn’t mean they can’t cook dinner or bring something in.
You can also ask a grandparent or friend to help take a child to an appointment. It doesn’t always have to be you.
Get help when you feel like you’re juggling plates, because the inevitable crash is far worse than plucking up the courage to pass something on.

Find Yourself a Therapy Friend
Find Yourself a Therapy Friend

Talking out your problems is one of the best ways to lighten your mental load. And at The Mum Club events, you’ll find a tribe of women who feel exactly the same way.
Get out of the house, leave the messy toys and piles of washing and take some time out for you.

Find your nearest event
It’s Never too Late to Discuss Family Roles

The minute your baby entered the world, you and your partner became parents. And you now have a shared responsibility (even if you’re not together).
If things aren’t working and you feel lost, suggest that you sit down when the baby is asleep or in someone else’s care and talk about your roles, wants and needs.
TMC Editor, Lydia House says, “I did this with my husband, and we bought and played the Fair Play card game. It helped BOTH of us understand what the other one had on. I thought it would reveal a huge imbalance. But we realised we were both doing a lot and talking it through really helped us understand each other.”

Dealing With Losing Your Temper

We’ve all been there, usually with our partner, our parents, and sometimes our children. When tiredness meets mental and physical overload, it = burnout, which causes irritability.

And sometimes, the fuse burns to the point where we feel so pushed we just blow.

Jess Urlichs describes the feeling perfectly…

A volatile environment is not nice for anyone. And after you’ve lost your way, immediate guilt sets in, over nasty things you might have said or a raised volume you never wanted to hear.

But try not to be too hard on yourself; remember, it’s tough right now. We’re not perfect people. It will get better. In the meantime, try to figure out ways to help yourself stay calm.

How to Calm Your Mood

Everyone reaches burnout and breaking point, when they take on too much. Try and do the following to alleviate the pressure…

Take Care of You

Spend at least half an hour a day doing something for yourself. If it’s tricky to get out of the house, get a mobile therapist to do your nails or hair. Do a face mask, read a book or do some gentle exercise. It doesn’t need to be big, but just a small thing will help.

Get Outside and See People

Of course, The Mum Club events are great for that, but they’re not every day. So make sure you walk, get a coffee, feed the ducks or arrange to see others. Fresh air and human interaction are so healing, so push yourself out and go.

Walk Away

If you feel like your blood is boiling and you’re about to pop (or you’ve popped), try to walk away from the situation. Whether it’s a crying baby that won’t stop or a husband, mother or toddler that’s being irrational. Take a breath, and then go back into the room when you feel calmer. It might not always work but removing yourself from a situation that’s causing you stress is better than staying and imploding.

Work Out Temporary Affordable Childcare

If you can’t ask for help, then pay for help. Find local gym creches. Some only cost about £4/5 an hour and take children as young as 8 weeks – and usually you don’t have to be a member.
And if you don’t want to leave your baby, get a babysitter to come over for a few hours. It’s so common in other countries, but for some reason, lots of UK mums have decided they have to do it alone. Maybe it’s because our mums never got help and we feel like we’re failing. But no ones situation is the same and if you don’t have support, then there’s nothing wrong with paying £20-30, to get some things done. Or to just have a nap.
The bonus is that when you feel comfortable with that person, you can get them over and you can leave the house and go and do something on your own, or with your partner.
At The Mum Club we say “If you don’t have a village, then build one!”
It’s quite literally our mission.

Relax and go easy on yourself

Remember that being a parent is the one thing that nobody is perfect at. If today isn’t working out so well, take a breath and remember there’s always tomorrow.

The Mum Club
The Mum Club10 September 2024
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