“It was 2021, and we’d just had baby number two, and our eldest was 17 months old. The days and weeks of broken sleep had started to take its toll on both of us. The divide between me carrying the heaviest weight of parental duties and him working in a highly pressurised job had become apparent. The arguing and bickering had reached full peak.”

“I started to resent him daily. I felt like I was stuck at home with two kids while he went on business trips or after work drinks. He also seemed to have more energy for fitness and hobbies, while I was tired and frustrated.”

“While confiding in my mum about how I was feeling, she assured me that most couples go through this stage when their children are small. She even recalled a statement that Michelle Obama had said where she revealed she couldn’t stand Barack for the ten years their kids were little.
While I was shocked at the ten-year bit (hopefully it won’t be for that long). Knowing it was likely to be a phase really helped me.”

“As our children have got older, things have improved. Of course, some days he drives me mad and we still argue. But (as bad as it sounds) recently we’ve started to like each other again.
Fighting is never pleasant, but often, the big rows have unearthed feelings we’ve been building or hiding and inevitably improved things. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not advising you to argue to benefit your relationship, and of course, the sensible thing would be to try to talk first.
However, tiredness can overrule rationale when you’re in the ‘Baby Trenches’. So, if you’re feeling a bit down and you’re bickering with your partner. Know that you’re not alone, and it should improve with time.”

Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist Elinor Harvey says, “Moving from being a two to a three is hard. Really hard! I see a lot of parents with young children who are struggling in their relationship. They usually tell me different but similar narratives about their situation: “We’re bickering constantly.” “We’re hardly having sex anymore.” And the big one: “I just resent him so much!” We don’t talk enough about how resentment and stress can easily build up in a relationship between two otherwise loving individuals. However, it is totally and utterly normal, especially when you understand how much mums go through from the moment they fall pregnant. Bodily changes, hormonal rollercoasters, birth trauma, career uncertainty, sleep deprivation, prolapses, swollen breasts, the mental load, school WhatsApp groups… the impact on mums can feel overwhelming. If we have good coping resources, such as good sleep, opportunities for rest, a supportive social life, exercise, etc., we can often manage these feelings. However, when we don’t have our usual coping resources to hand, then it can build up, and it’s natural for that stress to be directed at the person closest to us: our partner.

Ultimately, there’s no shame in struggling with your relationship, especially in the early years of parenting when you’re exhausted and have zero time to yourself. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean there aren’t things you can do to improve the situation. So being positive, open with your communication, and trying to share your feelings with your partner – is a great way to start.