The Organiser

Remember World Book Day? Us neither. But Organised Mum does; she’s got spreadsheets for this shit. She knows all the best baby classes and always has a spare swim nappy/outfit/pack of wipes.

The Only Friends on Facebook Friend

She slides into your DM’s on the daily and is always the first to throw you a like on your latest grid post, but you haven’t actually seen her since high school and have no plans to meet IRL.

The Experienced Mum

Whilst you’re still finding your feet with baby no.1, she’s on to her 2nd, 3rd or 4th and this is not her first rodeo. She’ll tell you what to pack in that hospital bag, can diagnose a suspicious rash over Whatsapp and has potty training nailed like a pro.

The One Whose Kid Has The Same Issues As Yours

You know what’s worse than your baby not sleeping through the night? All your friends’ babies sleeping through the night.

Off During The Week Mum

You’ve spent many a random Tuesday spent wandering through a National Trust park together and she’s always free for a quick play date/brew.

The Laid Back Mum

The antithesis of the Helicopter parent. Big believer in the 5 second rule. Most likely to be spotted scrolling through Instagram whilst their slightly-feral child runs riot through soft play.

The ‘Newer New Mum’ Mum

Newer-New Mum’s baby is 6 months younger than yours, which makes you an absolute pro qualified to dish out parenting advice. This makes you feel smug, like you know what you’re doing; which you absolutely do not 95% of the time.

NCT Mum

The only woman in birthing classes whose birth plan was also ‘for the baby to come out’. You bonded over your dislike of…well…basically everyone else, and your kids are the same age which is handy when you’re both awake at 3am trying to stay conscious for the night feed.

School Gates Mum

You’ve made small talk with her 5 days a week for 6 years and know all her innermost secrets, but you don’t actually know her first name and now it’s way too late to ask.

The No-Judgement Mum

Unflappable, unshockable and always brings wine.