Home > Baby > Life > Things We Wish We Had Discussed As A Couple Before Baby

You might think that the decision to have a baby is the biggest one you’ll ever make. But you’d be wrong. Starting a family sets a multiple of other critical decisions in motion, all to be made before you’ve quite grasped the impact of the last. It’s important then, to make sure you’re on the same page as your other half – but this is a conversation to be had while you’re awake, lucid and not harbouring a motherlode of resentment (ie before you’ve even made that baby). It’ll hurt, but it’s worth it…

Can We Afford One?

It reportedly costs an average £150,000 to raise a child to the age of 18, and we’d estimate about 50% of that goes on nursery fees alone. Having a kid means sacrificing all of the nice things, like four city breaks a year and your pricey Net-a-Porter habit. Statutory maternity pay wouldn’t keep most kids in Ella’s Kitchen pouches, so it’s a good idea to think about how you plan to fund your new venture.

Will You Go Back To Work?

When you first give birth it’s impossible to imagine being parted from your little bundle of joy but give it seven months and you might find you’ve developed a nervous twitch every time you hear the first three chords of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Before your partner finds you camped out on the doorstep at 5pm desperately waiting for some adult conversation, it’s good to have a rough plan for if/when you’d like to go back to work. Which leads inevitably to the next question….

Who Will Look After It?

Nursery? In-Laws? Au-Pair? Looking after a kid post-maternity leave is 10% parenting, 90% logistics. The weekly childcare schedule is like a giant game of Jenga, it just one brick to be taken out with Norovirus and the whole thing comes tumbling down. Unless you want to find yourself in a screaming match over whose afternoon meeting is more important, you’ll need a plan with more resilience than a nuclear power station.

How Will You Discipline Them?

Who’ll end up playing Bad Cop? We’ll tell you right now, it’s not the absolute charlatan who’ll let them eat ice cream for breakfast if they can watch Football Focus in peace.

Where Will They Go To School?

Someone will want them to have ‘the best possible education regardless of the cost’, someone will bring politics into the issue. It’s a conversation that could get personal so be prepared.

How Many Kids Do You Actually Want?

If someone else want a five-a-side football team, ask how many they’re planning to push out of their genitals. Start negotiations low with just one kid. Anything more than that seems like a win.

How Can You Protect Our Relationship?

It’s ironic that nothing can single-handedly destroy your relationship quite like producing a miniature version of yourselves. You’re stressed, you’re knackered, and your poor vagina has been through enough. Get a solid plan in place pre-baby and there’s a 50 percent chance you’ll keep your kid (and your relationship) alive.

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