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It goes without saying; we love our children. But let’s not pretend that ‘life’s greatest adventure’ is as action-packed and interesting as it appears on Instagram. Some bits are really bloody boring. Here’s our TMC guide to the most tedious of parenting tasks…

Watching the Same Disney Film Over and Over Again.

Don’t get us wrong, we LOVED Frozen; the first seven or eight times we watched it. But it’s been playing on a loop for 3 years now and we’ll level with you; it’s really starting to do our head in.

Going To The Park

Hanging around the same swings every day was way more fun when we were 15 and there was vodka involved.


Let’s be honest; there is nothing relaxing about bedtime. You’ve brought the wrong pyjamas, they’re hungry/too hot/too cold/need a drink/need a wee. There’s the dramatic reading of (the same) story over and over again (SURPRISE: Spot is in the basket!) which all inevitably ends with a scavenger hunt around the entire house and you muttering ‘where the fuck is the fucking blanket?’

Waking up Early

The only 5am starts we’re up for involve airports and holidays.

The School Run

IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. No sooner have you dropped them off, battled your way through the 17 loads of laundry, emptied the dishwasher and tidied 2378979 bricks of lego, and hey-presto! It’s time to pick them up again.


If you’ve ever seriously considered having another baby just so your child will have someone else who will willingly want to play shop for 3 hours straight without losing their minds; we feel you. You are not alone.

Walking Any Distance With A Toddler

MOVE IT ALONG PEOPLE. Nothing worse than them refusing to get in the pram, especially if it’s pissing it down and you’re moving along at a snail’s pace stopping for every puddle/stick/dog that you pass along the way.

The Scooter

If there is a single parent alive who claims to have managed an entire walk without carrying back the scooter under one arm and the kid under the other; we’re calling bullshit.

The Night Feed

MUST. STAY. AWAKE. Made extra irritating by the apparently oblivious snoring co-parent next to you.

Crouching Next To Them Waiting For Them To Poo

Just you and a cold bathroom floor, waiting for the plop.

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