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1. Not Telling Them Your Traumatic Birth Story Before They Give Birth

You might mean well, but a minute-by-minute graphic retelling of your 72-hour labour resulting in an emergency C-section and near-death isn’t as helpful as you think.

2. Keeping Unsolicited Advice to Yourself

Yes, we know they’ve lost a sock. No, they’re not hungry. We’re sure that is how they did it ‘in your day’, and we really couldn’t give a flying fuck that you disagree with co-sleeping.
Oh, and it’s a boy, actually.

3. Support Their Feeding Choices

Breastfeeding, pumping, formula; all kids live on a diet of toast and chicken nuggets in the end, so does it really matter?

4. Not Dropping Round Unannounced

Always ask in advance and make sure you don’t stay too long. If the baby is asleep, you’re encroaching on prime parent nap time – please leave through any exit.

5. Bring food

If you’re thinking about buying a teddy or a plant, STOP! Choose a pre-made lasagne instead.
Extra points if you wash your cup up and fold some washing before you leave.

6. Be Understanding When She Doesn’t Text Back

She still loves you, but her mind is busy remembering which boob she fed off last so she doesn’t get Mastitis. She’s living with a tiny human who hates sleep. The fog will lift eventually; until then, bear with her.

7. Share Your Reality

Endless night feeds scrolling through picture-perfect Insta feeds might make it look like every other mother has her shit together.
If you’re already a mum, acknowledge that it was really f*cking hard for you too. It will make her feel like she’s not alone.

8. Listen When They Want to Talk About The Baby

Hey, baby-free friends! We know you don’t really care about sleep training or teething or whether the kid has crapped for 4 days or not. Thank you for pretending to be interested.

9. Tell Her She’s Doing A Good Job

There is no appraisal from a newborn. The screaming in your face, vomming etc… can make you feel like a complete and utter failure. So a little thumbs up really does help.

10. Invite Her and Let Her Off When She Comes

When that first night happens she will be pissed after 0.5 glasses of prosecco and it’s highly likely she will sob during a live stream of the baby monitor.

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